Paper clips couldn't even hold this album together.

Broken rib. Moving. Lack of internet due to the incompetence of AT&T/UPS. These are the factors which have plagued my life lately thus forcing me to write an every other week blog instead of an every week blog. Please take pity on me if only for the fact I spent over 2 hours listening to elevator music on a phone call to AT&T. At any rate, these minor problems shall no longer (hopefully) contribute to any delinquent blogging on my part...

On to the review!

First three adjectives that come to mind when listening to this album:

Three favorite songs on album:
Elastic Love
You Lost Me

Merry-go-rounds. They're a fucking mountain of fun...at first. Then...suddenly you realize you have to puke. Such is Christina Aguilera's latest, Bionic.

I wanted to like Bionic. I wanted to be thrown under the synth-dance bus. I thought it possible. With cohorts like Le Tigre, M.I.A., Sia, Linda Perry, Peaches Ladytron and Nicki Minaj, I was certain that Ms. Aguilera had brought in the right crew to get the job done. Unfortunately, as the saying goes, expectations lead to disappointment.

The album starts of at an accelerated pace. From the oral sex innuendo oriented "Woohoo" to the vibrant electronic springing of "Elastic Love," I see definite comparisons to Lady Gaga, Gwen Stefani and M.I.A.

Towards mid-album, a down shift takes place. The tone turns somber with songs like "Lift Me Up," "All I Need," and "You Lost Me." The majority of these are completely forgettable, except "You Lost Me" which is exactly the opposite. It has a rich depth and honesty to it and reveals Aguilera's incredible range. This is her at her best, and frankly it gives me chills when I listen to it.

The last few songs on Bionic include the Le Tigre collaboration ("My Girls") and two other upbeat tracks.

As a whole, this album is not consistent. There are about 3–5 decent songs, but after that it's all quite a mess. Not only are the other songs not worth mentioning, but it's a chunky mix of dance songs and ballads, which generally doesn't make a record flow well.

The rap by Nicki Minaj seals the deal in "Woohoo." Also, the rap by Peaches in "My Girls" is another example of successfully adding quality collaborators to enhance a song.

One element that Christina has successfully mastered is the crescendo. Quite a few of the songs on Bionic, including the title track, feature seamless crescendos.

Album design:
A scantly clad Christina is everywhere. I sort of feel dirty just looking at the liner notes.
I still am not sure why the album is called "Bionic." I was hoping for some glimpse in the lyrics (kudos for actually including them) but to no avail.
There's an illustration of a pussy (cat...you perv...get your mind out of the gutter for fuck's sake) on one of the pages that's rather adorable.
I found a typo on the last page. Missing space between the words "the" and "World." Do I get a prize for that?

Next Up:
Patrick Watson, Close To Paradise (2006)